Our Breastfeeding for Dads book will help you become a better new dad within a couple of hours. We wrote it to be easy and fun to read. It includes a lot of soft skills that can be hard to summarise so here we run through two scenarios in the life of a new dad just after the birth. One without having read the book and the other being a no-nonsense Breastfeeding for Dad reader. 

We should note that the new dad / mother-in-law interactions have been included here as this can be the trickiest relationship to manage during the important first few days of breastfeeding. We’re not implying that mother-in-laws are all trouble makers!

New Dad 1 – the laid-back new dad

Day 1

Well, the birth was a bit more brutal than I thought it would be, but my partner, Helen, was a superstar and we now have a beautiful new daughter! We’ve named her Chloe. The whole thing took a while. I was shattered by the end of it because I didn’t want to leave her. I was starving too, but decided it was best not to mention that! But now I’m back home by myself, with a full belly, getting ready to catch up on a bit of sleep. Might be the last proper sleep for a while! Can’t wait to bring my new family home!

Day 2

We’re all back home now. It’s a bit fraught being a new dad. Chloe seems so frail and delicate, yet she screams the place down when she’s not happy about something. I’m pretty much leaving the care of the baby to Helen. She seems to instinctively know what to do most of the time. The bond she has with Chloe is amazing!

We’ve had loads of visitors already. Our new daughter is quite the celebrity! People seem to be able to sit and stare at babies for hours and talk absolute nonsense, but they really love it. My brother got a bit weird about Helen breastfeeding in front of him, which was quite funny, although I think it made Helen feel a bit awkward too. But she’ll get the hang of it. I mean she has to do it wherever she goes from now on anyway, right? 

She was pretty shattered by the time everyone left – and they ate loads of our food! Still, you can’t not feed people when they turn up to visit the new baby at lunchtime can you? I’ve got to make sure Helen eats regularly anyway. It’s my main job really.

Day 3

Oh man, that first night was a killer! Helen was exhausted by the evening and Chloe wouldn’t settle and kept demanding food. We were woken up constantly and there is not much I can do to help. I can’t feed the baby and she doesn’t seem to settle with me at all so I end up giving her back to Helen who can soothe her. In the end I went downstairs and grabbed some sleep on the sofa so I could be more help the next day. 

It’s pretty tricky being a new dad. I still feel like I’m on the outside looking in, while Helen has all the answers (and the milk!). I popped out in the morning to get some more food in. Her parents are visiting today. When I got back Helen was just finishing another feed and said she was desperate for a shower. I made sure she had some food first, but then her parents arrived and it was back to baby gazing. 

Unfortunately Helen’s parents brought some really hideous baby grows. I mean the kid is not bothered what she looks like. But it was a bit weird when Helen’s mum insisted she changed the baby’s nappy and then put her in one of the new baby grows. This wouldn’t be a problem but the baby was asleep at the time – I mean, come on, let sleeping babies lie! But what can you do? I’m a new dad and she’s the mother-in-law.

She also had some firm views on where Chloe should sleep. We keep her in our room, but that apparently is all wrong. It means Chloe will want to sleep in our room for ever more. It was a bit awkward as we don’t agree with her and Helen was a bit upset afterwards, but there will always be these situations I suppose. 

After the visitors had finally gone we decided to give Chloe her first bath. I thought Helen was too tired to do it, but she insisted and I tried to help as much as I could. I wasn’t much help. I’m still not confident around the baby. However, I did manage to change her nappy! Got lucky as it was only wet, but still I’ll take that as a win.

Day 6

First day back at work and I was completely hanging! Still, I got through it. I walked through the door to be greeted by a tearful Helen who had had a difficult day. She handed Chloe to me and disappeared off to have a shower, declaring that she needed to feel partly human again. It stressed me out to be honest. I’m still in my work gear, my head’s still fuzzy with work and Chloe still doesn’t really settle with me.

In the end I put Chloe down (she screamed endlessly) and quickly got changed. Helen came out of the shower quickly because of the screaming and between us we settled the baby in the pram. I then took her out for a walk, which was actually quite cool as she settled down and I bumped into a few neighbours who were cooing over the baby. 

Helen was asleep when I got back, and luckily so was Chloe, so I pulled together some food, but it took a while as I was so tired. A friend popped round just as we were eating. It wasn’t great timing and I could tell that  Helen would rather just collapse on the sofa and discuss our days, but the friend didn’t stay too long.

Eventually we collapsed into bed for another broken night sleep. We never did get to properly talk about our day – my first day out in the world as a new dad, and hers all by herself.

Day 26

It was so good to have a bit of normality back as we went out to our local pub for lunch with friends. We timed it carefully with Chloe’s new feeding routine so we should be able to eat without having to feed the little one. Of course, she ended up not settling at all so Helen was walking around soothing the baby while the rest of us ate. She settled down eventually, but by that time Helen’s food was cold, which was a shame considering how much we were both looking forward to our outing.

We had an easier afternoon because the baby had tired herself out at lunchtime, but Helen was grumpy about what happened in the pub. People say that babies bring people together but it seems to be the opposite with us.

New Dad 2 – the breastfeeding savvy new dad

Day 1

Well, the birth was a bit more brutal than I thought it would be, but my partner, Helen, was a superstar and we now have a beautiful new daughter! We’ve named her Chloe. The whole thing took a while. I tried to make myself helpful by getting food and drink – even if it was mostly for me. I think I helped Helen by being there. I did break the tension a bit with some well-timed dad jokes. But now I’m back home by myself, the freezer’s stocked, the friends and relatives are up to speed with how we want the first couple of days to go, and I’m getting ready to catch up on a bit of sleep. Might be the last proper sleep for a while! Can’t wait to bring my new family home!

Day 2

We’re all back home now. It’s all a bit fraught. Chloe seems so frail and delicate yet she screams the place down when she’s not happy about something. Helen seems to instinctively know what to do with the baby most of the time, but she keeps handing her to me too. As a new dad I have to know how to understand Chloe’s little moods if I’m going to be able to give Helen a decent break when she’s not feeding. Changing my first nappy was an interesting (disgusting!) experience. 

We’ve had our first visitors already. Our new daughter is quite the celebrity! People seem to be able to sit and stare at babies for hours and talk absolute nonsense, but they really love it. They were a bit miffed when we told them in advance that we didn’t want them to stay too long in the first few days, while Helen is getting the hang of breastfeeding. However, they really came through in bringing food with them. My mum makes a fantastic lasagne and she even took the dirty oven dish home with her! 

My brother started getting a bit weird about Helen preparing to breastfeed, but I jumped in and took him outside to see what I’ve been working on in the shed. Helen already said she didn’t think she would have a problem breastfeeding in front of my mum. To be honest, they stayed a bit longer than we planned them to, but Helen seemed okay with this. We had a bit of time together, just the two of us before we all went to bed.

Day 3

Oh man, that first night was a killer! Chloe wouldn’t settle and kept demanding food. We were woken up constantly and I spent ages just walking around the house trying to soothe the baby. At least I was able to make sure Helen got some rest. At 4am I handed the baby over for a feed and went down and grabbed some sleep on the sofa so I could be more help the next day. 

It’s pretty tricky being a new dad. There’s lots to remember to keep as much as possible off Helen in the first few days. I made sure she had something good to eat for breakfast and then she escaped for a shower. Her parents are visiting today and they are bringing macaroni cheese – Helen’s favourite meal. 

Unfortunately Helen’s parents brought some really hideous baby grows. I mean the kid is not bothered what she looks like. But it was a bit weird when Helen’s mum insisted she changed the baby’s nappy and then put her in one of the new baby grows. This wouldn’t be a problem but the baby was asleep at the time – I mean, come on, let sleeping babies lie! 

I defused the situation by making a joke about her having to wait a bit longer before changing her first granddaughter nappy. Chloe got to finish her sleep but the poor kid still ended up in the nasty baby grow. However, my mother in law enjoyed every second of it so it’s a win-win. 

She also had some firm views on where Chloe should sleep. We keep her in our room but that apparently is all wrong. It means the baby will want to sleep in our room for ever more. I had to step in quickly again. I told her that we’d researched the subject for ages before the birth and really wanted to have her sleep in our room for now. You could tell that my mother-in-law wasn’t happy, but to be fair she didn’t pursue it. 

The visitors were really good about not staying too long, even though it was obvious they wanted to stay longer. After they left we decided to give Chloe her first bath. I took charge of this as Helen is in charge of the feeding. To be honest I was petrified and I could see Helen itching to stick her hands in and help. She was very kind and said that she would be no better at it than me. 

Before we went to bed I messaged my mother-in-law thanking her for keeping her visit shorter than she wanted and for helping to keep Helen happy and relaxed. When I stop being a new dad, my next job should be a diplomat!

Day 6

First day back at work and I was completely hanging! Still, I got through it. I walked through the door to be greeted by a tearful Helen who had had a difficult day. She laughed about how all she wanted to do was to hand Chloe to me right now. Instead she kept to our plan and let me get changed and grab a quick snack from the fridge. Then she handed the baby to me and I teased her that she would have run to the shower if she still wasn’t sore from the birth. 

I settled Chloe in the pram and took her out for a walk, which was actually quite cool as she settled down and I bumped into a few neighbours who were cooing over the baby. 

Helen was asleep when I got back, and luckily so was Chloe, so I pulled together some food from what we had prepared in the fridge. A friend popped round just as we were eating, which wasn’t great timing. I pulled new dad rank and only let her stay for 10 minutes while we ate. However, she was great about it and held the baby while we scoffed our food. We arranged a time for her to visit and she instantly picked up on my (heavy) hints about how she cooks such an amazing lasagne (it’s better than my mum’s but don’t tell anyone that!). That’s another meal we don’t have to cook. 

We just about had enough time to collapse on the sofa and discuss our days, which was really nice, even though nothing newsworthy really happened.

Day 26

It was so good to have a bit of normality back as we went out to our local pub for lunch with friends. We timed it carefully with Chloe’s new feeding routine so we should be able to eat okay without having to feed the little one. Of course, she ended up not settling at all so I spent a lot of time walking around soothing the baby. It’s more important that Helen gets food at regular intervals than me. By the time the baby settled down my food was cold. However, Helen insisted I had an extra beer for stepping in so we all won in the end!  

We had an easier afternoon because the baby had tired herself out at lunchtime and we discussed other ways we could get our lives back to (almost) now we were getting into a new routine. I think we’ve started to really create new bonds in our family of three.